


drowning in a dream that capsized

by greekdemigod



Series: Roisa Deadly Sins Week [1]
Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: Canon, F/F, Roisa Deadly Sins Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 10:43:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10534830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greekdemigod/pseuds/greekdemigod
Summary: She used to be someone. The days as Emilio's trophy wife or Michael's partner suddenly don't seem so bad anymore, compared to what his daughter has made of her. It's such a bitter pill to swallow, she might just choke.[Canon + greed.]





	

**Author's Note:**

> Big thank you to Lieve and Jess for hosting this and getting me back to writing for these two! I must say, I've missed it.  
> And eternal gratitude to all my readers that I've made wait so long for new content. Words cannot express how much I appreciate each and every one of you.

She used to be someone. The thought hasn’t left her alone since it cut into her thoughts randomly, weeks ago. Rose thought she had seen a former business associate and memories had come rushing back. The thrill of pleasure that had come along with her life, the constant dizzying rush of adrenaline, the incomparable high of triumph... It had set her hands to shaking.

Luisa had looked at her with clear concern, an eyebrow slightly arched, and Rose had been forced to lie through her teeth. Talking about that part of her life had a way of upsetting the other that always lingered far too long, and brought conversations about her father back.

They had finally put that topic to rest, at last. She wasn’t keen to revisit it ever again.

The rest of their dinner was nice, with dessert shared and hands held, candles dwindling to stubs between them. When they left the restaurant, Rose figured she would get to leave the thoughts behind too. Instead she carried them with her, carried them home, carried them into their bed.

With her mask, wig, and clothes discarded, Luisa warm against her, Rose spent a sleepless night mulling over all that she had given up to be with this woman—and wondering if the sacrifice was still worth it.

She used to be someone. And now, she was a copy of a junkie that had been in rehab with Luisa, a cover and crafty disguise that fooled Rafael sufficiently. The amusement she had gotten out of hiding in plain sight had grown dull with Susanna already, being secretly more cunning and intelligent than she let on was something she had mastered as Emilio’s wife already.

There was no sport in being Eileen, just a dull echo of former glory days.

Not only that, but people ascribed even less to her than they had her former alter egos. Susanna Barnett had been a well-respected police detective, endearing with her Southern charm, good at her job. Rose Solano had been so wildly intelligent and sharp-witted that people had both feared and admired her.

But Eileen... People smiled at her and talked to her like she was stupid. All the philosophical babble she had had to spout to sell her cover story had not helped with that at all. The employees of the Marbella no longer cowed to do as she wished. Rafael considered her as much of a basket case as he did his sister, but with Luisa at least he attempted to hide it.

Worst of all, every time Rose looked in the mirror, even she couldn’t find anything to praise. Her blue eyes looked all wrong in this soft, round, crinkled face.

Every ounce of respect, self-worth, high esteem she had ever amassed... gone.

It’s hard not to feel contempt for the woman curled into her side while they watch a movie, confined to their rooms just so Rose can be herself. The mask has been even more suffocating of late. She fights the welling emotions that do nothing more than erode the beautiful thing they have wrought between them, because if she succumbs...

She doesn’t know what she would do to Luisa. It’s frightening that the woman she loves – the only person she has _ever_ loved – has come to look to her like an obstacle between her and her former glory. The _only_ obstacle.

“You’re thinking too much,” Luisa murmurs, voice sweet, body utterly relaxed. The scent clinging to her throat smells like impending summer; spicy, but with just a hint of sweet. Soft hair brushes against Rose’s arms as they move to get comfortable once more, Luisa draping an arm around her waist. “Just relax.”

The words grate against newly-exposed nerves. Rose does the opposite, tenses beneath the gentle pressure of Luisa’s body and frowns only more.

Hunger, keen and hollowing, for power she had before has only been with her for a few days, but it’s more dismantling than even the stubborn, pestering thoughts have been. It aches in her gut. It chains her to nightmares every night. It makes her recall people snapping to her every command, shadow-filled meetings, weighed words, always thinking ahead, planning for more.

It makes her miss it so viscerally, like a starved animal, that it’s all she can think about.

But she chose Luisa. Over her life of crime, over the name and fame she has been building since she was in college.

She used to be someone. Now? Now she is no one.

Luisa pauses the movie and sits up on her knees, to make Rose look at her. Gentle brown eyes, luminous skin, an honest love. Why can’t it be enough? Why does she want, need, lust after more, so much more? Why does her greed for power quell every other urge she has ever had?

“What are you thinking about? And don’t tell me it’s nothing, because you’ve been distracted all week.”

There are dozens of things she could say. Rose knows all the ways in which to appease Luisa. But she used to be someone.

“I think you should become more involved with the hotels. They’re yours, after all. We could be the boss.”

Dirty satisfaction warms her from the inside out when she sees consideration in Luisa’s eyes. Her love for her girlfriend flares up once more, strengthens her patience, floods into her capacity to be compassionate and gentle and kind. Because that’s all she needs, this opening to press her into it. She’ll get to start chipping away at others’ respect and power to take it for herself. Maybe she’ll get to give Rafael his dues and topple him off the throne in the bloodiest way she can make happen.

She’s going to be someone again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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